Before launching into this Torrid Forties thing full throttle, I think we need some ground rules. The official guidelines are hereby designated as follows:

1. Diet
Allowed: sensical, health-conscious reduction in food intake, logical alteration of food choices and time of consumption (i.e. I shall not consume ten jars of marshmallow creme while watching reruns of NCIS at midnight)

Off-Limits: Insane food restrictions of any sort (all pickles, all the time ain’t happening), fasting, liquid diets or super cleanses (gentle, logical detoxes OK if used very sparingly–like the one designed by our pal Dr. Oz.), anything else that in any way effs around with the body’s natural digestive and elimination processes–and I mean in any way, anything synthetic (in other words, no diet pills)

2. Beauty Support
Allowed: makeup consultation and advice (and of course, product), salon support to include Blonde in a Bottle, waxing, trimming, buffing, polishing, facials, spa days, lotions, creams and other potions containing “anti”-this and “pro”-that, tooth care to include whiteners, veeners, caps, or anything else, microdermabrasion and chemical peel, as needed

Off-Limits: any other type of “work”, to include Botox, collagen, and anything involving a scalpel, sucker, and/or sedation. Other than Novacaine, there should be no putting me under or numbing me up in the name of sexiness.

3. Body
Allowed: wraps, massages, personal trainers, spousal foot rubs, cucumbers on the eyes, hair removing products and processes, nail buffing and polishing, baths in natural sulfur springs in Iceland…you get the picture.

Off-limits: as in #2, anything involving the services of Dr. Melman in Beverly Hills. I’m fortunate enough to have been born with no outward physical maladies, and there is no reason to take a scalpel to a perfectly fine canvas.

4. Head Health
I am a firm believer that even the most perfectly centered of us could use a therapist. We should all be assigned one in kindergarten, and be able to work through all of our idiosyncratic life things as they happen, from zits to menopause. So, not surprisingly, I think the maintenance of the Torrid Forties would require a little psychological upkeep.

With that, let’s begin, shall we? To expanded fabulousness we go!